Know your inner child and you’ll never feel alone

Can you imagine that inside you there’s an inner child that still keeps the wishes and beliefs you had when you were a child alive?

What if I tell you that there are authors who believe this?

I had my first encounter with “my inner child” when I was 19. At that time, the book “You Can Heal Your Life” by Louise Hay fell into my hands, and it was she who helped me change the relationship I had with myself, forever.

In fact, I learned that there was a “myself” or “inner child”, and then I started working on me to have a relationship with that part of myself that I didn’t know existed.

Who is the inner child?

The inner child is the most innocent, vulnerable, passionate, insecure, naive, needy, happy, vital part of you …

How were you when you were little?

Do you remember?

What did you like? What were you afraid of?

What dreams did you have? What were your insecurities?

If you can remember how you were when you were small, you’ll have a pretty clear image of how your inner child is now.

Eric Berne also speaks of our childish part or inner child. And according to Gestalt therapy the inner child corresponds to our emotional side.

But for me, the best way to imagine and understand how this works is thinking about a little girl reacting to what happens.

If don’t know your inner child, then you probably:

• Are reacting to situations like you did when you were a child.
• Are you telling yourself the same things (positive or negative) that your parents said to you (and don’t realize it).
• Are undergoing a roller-coaster of emotional ups and downs.
• Sometimes react exaggeratedly and don’t understand why.

If you recognize yourself in all this, it’s time to stop and introduce yourself to your inner child.

Know your inner child

The way in which I introduce my customers to their inner child is through guided meditation.

Here I guide you little by little until you find your inner child.

Usually, during meditation, my clients end up crying.

Crying?

Yes, yes… tears pour down. (Not always, of course).

Sometimes, because their inner child feels hurt, abandoned and having the adult and child part meet becomes very emotional.

Others, because of the joy of being reunited.

But don’t think that you’ll solve all your problems as soon as you meet with your inner child.

No, no.

From now on, you need to gain his trust.

And I assure you, this isn’t easy.

Your inner child has been in the shadows for too long.

When you grew up, slowly and without realizing it, you forgot the child you once were.

You felt like being an adult,  like growing, and simply put your child in a closet and left him there.

One year, then another and another.

Some years went by and after noticing his importance, you decide to let him out and see the light.

First of all, even if he’s willing to see the light that you showed him, he may not want to come out.

And do you know why?

 

He doesn’t want to get his hopes up.

What if you took him out of the closet and then forgot him the next day, and abandoned him again?

Well, in that case, he’s better off sating in the dark, after all, he’s already used to it.

If you now tell him he’ll always be outside and you’ll never leave him alone in that closet, he may say:

I don’t believe it!

But what if on top of that you pick him up?!

Put yourself in his shoes.

If a good friend hasn’t called you for 5 or 10 years and one day he suddenly calls you and promises that you’ll be great friends again, would you believe him?

I wouldn’t

You’d also hesitate, wouldn’t you?

So, keep that in mind.

Trust is created through actions

To get your inner child to trust you, you need to prove that you’re there for him, not just one day, not two, but:

Every day.

In every situation.

In every decision.

You’ll have to show that you matter.

That you care about what he thinks and feels.

And there’s nothing better for that than to be careful with the kind of mental conversation you have with him.

Watch your inner dialogue

As soon as you regain your relationship with your inner child, you need to be VERY careful with what you tell yourself. 

 Any criticism or contempt towards yourself is prohibited.

That little child won’t trust you if you attack them.

So practice a constructive internal dialogue.

• Change the “you did bad” with “you did your best”
• Change the “you can’t do it” with “you’ll get it, it’s just a matter of practice and time”

Thus, little by little, with each message of support, you’ll build a trustful relationship.

Changing my internal dialogue was one of the best things I could’ve done.

Imagine if instead of criticizing yourself all the time, you had a supportive dialogue that made you feel secure, safe and calm.

I assure you, the change is priceless.

It’s going:

• From loneliness to support
• From destructive criticism to constructive criticism
• From needing outside support to satisfying your own needs

What more could you ask for?

You must treat yourself with a lot of love

Do you remember needing love when you were little?

Well, imagine that your child is still hungry for love, care, tenderness, recognition, approval…

How do you console that little crying girl?

Would you tell her to “stop crying, it’s not such a big deal!”?

No, right?

So why do you do it to your self?

Why do you treat yourself badly?

I guess because you don’t realize it.

But here I am, with this article, to help you notice it.

From now on, I’d like for you to stand and talk to yourself with all the love in the world every time and emotion overcomes you, or you have a difficult or overwhelming situation.

Loving yours is essentially being able to recover your inner child.

Exercises to get your inner child to trust you again

You clearly need to practice good dialogue and treatment, but here are some tips to start building a good dialogue.

There are many exercises you can do to start working on your relationship with yourself or to meet your inner child.

Here are some of them:

• Visualize finding your inner child, and she starts talking to you. Listen to what she says, or what she needs.
• Take a blank paper, and divide it into two, on one side, ask a question to your inner child and on the other write your answer as an adult.
• You can do this same exercise, by writing with different colors or with different hands (the right for questions and the left for the answers).

The rational part represents your head or adult part, and the more emotional or passionate part represents your child’s part.

It’s pretty easy to differentiate them.

Just practice and be patient.

I hope this article has shed some light on how to renew your relationship with yourself.