Have you heard the phrase “You’re just saying that because I told you to,” or, “it should come from you, I shouldn’t have to ask for it”.
Asking for what you want from your partner is something that may cost you a little or a lot, but what surprises me the most is how easily you reject it, once he gives it to you.
Sure and now you’ll say that the ideal thing would be for it to “come from him”.
Yes, I’m not saying it shouldn’t, but let’s see, if it doesn’t … What do you want?
In this article I’ll try to get some silly ideas of your head which are preventing you from getting what you want from your partner.
The sheer ease of women in confusing men
There are many differences between men and women, but today we’ll talk about the way you, as a woman, complicate your own life, by asking for something to then reject it.
Come on, confess,
How many times have you asked your partner for something which, once he was ready to give it to you, you rejected because “it had to come from him, you shouldn’t have had to ask for it?”
But some time ago I realized that this was a completely absurd and contradictory behavior.
It’s like if you were telling your partner Yes but No.
So, the most normal thing in the world is for him to end up super confused.
Then what? Yes or no? Do you want it or not?
It should come from him…
I hear you.
And I wonder, who has gotten into your head?
- “It has to come from him because otherwise it’s not true”
- “He’s only saying or doing it because I asked him to”
Well, let me ask you a question:
If you ask someone for something and he/she does it, do you like it or not?
I guess you do like it.
Why should you reject something that your partner wants to give to you, simply because “you asked for it”?
There’s too much nonsense in our heads.
Let’s be practical.
What do you want from your partner?
Here are a few examples:
- You want him to be more loving
- You want him to have more initiative
- You want more foreplay during sex
- You want more sex
- You want him to collaborate more with the chores
- You want…
Once you’re clear about what you want from him … ask for it.
Talk to him, try to express yourself based on yourself, that is, start your sentences with:
- I want…
- I would like…
- For me it would be important …
- I need…
- I feel…
This isn’t about attacking him because of what he’s not doing, but asking for what you want from your partner.
Well, imagine that you already have a clear idea of what you want and you ask for it.
Then, because your partner listened to you, he decides to give you what you asked for.
What’s wrong with YOU that you can’t accept it?
What if you accept it?
Come on, tell me, what’s the worst that can happen if, at that moment, you accept…
- That your partner is showing how much he loves you
- He makes love to you
- He starts tidying up the house
Are you going to refuse to receive what you asked for because “it didn’t come from him”?
And, if so, who will miss out, you or him?
Do you see where I’m going?
Two Strategies to ask for what you want from your partner
1. Accept what he gives you
If knowing what you want and how to communicate it is already difficult at times, I hope this post can help you to receive what you asked for.
Because for a while, I was also trapped in that “this has to come from him” cycle, and I rejected and undervalued what my partner gave me.
Because look, it could also be that you ask for something and they don’t give it to you.
So if he does, accept it.
If you ask for something and he gives it to you, you earned it.
If you ask for something, he gives it to you but you reject it because of what you think, then it’s your loss.
Rejecting it is foolish.
One of the pillars of a good relationship is communication. When speaking with your partner, you must be able to express what you want, what you don’t want, what you like, what isn’t worth it for you…
And if the other person responds, even right after you asked for something, you should be happy because that means he heard you, he understands how you feel and wants to do something about it.
2. Be realistic with what you ask for
You have to be careful with your expectations, because people are as they are and will not just automatically change because you asked for it. He won’t have more initiative or be more affectionate just because you asked for it.
You have to ask for what you want and have realistic expectations of what they can or cannot give you.
Take for example a man who is essentially NOT loving. You ask him to be more loving and right at that moment he shows you his affection with a hug, with sweet words, tells you how much he cares about you … enjoy it, enjoy the moment.
Live it to the fullest, but don’t expect him to have changed his ways in a week, for him to have become the most loving man in the world, just because you asked for it.
And let me tell you (in case some other absurd idea crosses your mind), that the fact that he isn’t affectionate, has nothing to do with his feelings for you.
Each person’s story, marks the type of person they will become, and the decisions we make every day create our future.
As time goes by and if you remind him of how important it is for you for him to show you he loves you, he may “improve” a little, but it may take years for him to become a loving person, if he ever becomes one.
Therefore it’s important for you to accept what your partner gives you, even if it’s only because you asked for it.
Look at it this way: He is doing what he can.
Of course, I’m not saying that if you want a loving man in your life, and that’s very important to you, just should stay with someone who isn’t loving.
My intention with this post is for you to be able to accept or receive what your partner gives to you, independently of whether or not you asked for it.
I hope this article helps you ask what you want from your partner and, above all, accept it.
You only need to practice, so get on with it!