For how long have you been planning to leave your partner but don’t dare to do because you don’t want to suffer or hurt him?
Building the relationship
Just as when you prepare a meal, we need to add ingredients to our relationship, such as illusion, dedication, love, patience, care, complicity, respect… and each of those ingredients helps create a specific type of relationship, your own.
But during the creation process, many things may happen, either because the right ingredients weren’t initially used or because they were no longer added, or because routine killed the flame on which the relationship was cooked.
The fact is that, the moment comes when you ask yourself:
Why should you keep going?
- If what you have isn’t what you want
- If your relationship gives you nothing
- If you’re tired of being the only one who’s adding the ingredients
- If you think it isn’t worth the fight
- If you don’t feel reciprocity
- If you’ve fallen in love with someone else
- If you don’t get what you need
- If routine extinguished the flame
Internally, your decision is clear, but doubt appears: how can you break up in the best way, without suffering or hurting the other person.
How to leave your partner without suffering or harming him/her
Imagine that you already made the decision, but he or she doesn’t expect it to happen.
Given that you don’t know how to approach the situation, you start to put it off, because you want to avoid suffering or harming him or her, and therefore start making up excuses:
- Being with him isn’t that bad
- He’s a very good person
- He loves me
- I won’t find someone like him or her
- I’ll stay single forever
- He’ll change
The fact is that time passes and you can’t make a decision.
What’s the problem of being in a relationship in which you don’t want to be?
For as much as you try to deceive yourself, trying to convince yourself that you’re right, will probably not be enough.
Or maybe you do it for a while, but the desire to leave your partner will come again. Again, because of pity, so you don’t suffer or hurt him…you put up with it, and being by his side becomes more difficult every day.
You may want to lead your life by his side, but he won’t understand your behavior or will even get upset because of it.
You’ll go getting more and more tired and, do you know what will happen in the end?
The time will come, where you won’t be able to do it anymore.
So after all this “additional” time putting up with it, you’ll break up with your partner in the worst possible way.
And what you wanted to avoid in the beginning, suffering or harming the other person, will become inevitable.
Every breakup needs its mourning
If you have a partner who:
- Doesn’t give you what you need
- You love, but they have disappeared
- Is not what you want
- You aren’t in love with
- The relationship doesn’t evolve
- What you have built until then hasn’t been sufficient to hold the relationship together
Forgive me, but I have some bad news:
Leaving him without harming him, is NOT possible.
And precisely because it’s not possible, you need to ACCEPT that there will be pain, probably for both, whether you love him or not.
You shared a piece of you and a part of your life with that person. Thus, “sharing” will be over as soon as you leave them.
If you really want to suffer and hurt him AS LITTLE AS POSSIBLE, leave him as soon as possible.
If you already made up your mind, why delay it?
Remember: You can’t leave your partner without hurting him, or without suffering, so why wait? take the step now.
Because if you act NOW, you will avoid having a series of repressed emotions and you’ll be able to make a decision from a calm place.
That doesn’t mean that the other will receive the news well, but it’s your decision.
You can’t force someone to be with anyone.
If you don’t want to be with him, what can he do?
Accept it and move on, even if it hurts.
And besides, you’re going to need time to adjust to the new situation, to be the one without the other, and that will be your mourning period.
That time will be good or bad to some degree because, even if it was your decision, it won’t be easy.
So don’t try to “spare” yourself or him a little suffering now because then, you may suffer it three times more, because you didn’t deal with the inevitable.
You have the right to choose the kind of relationship you want in your life.
And if your current partner isn’t what you want, just leave him, and give him and give yourself the opportunity to find another person so both he and you can be happy.
I hope my words can help you make the best decision for both of you. And if you need help, you know that you can count on me. You can get a free online therapy couples session. Just email me at firstname.lastname@example.org