Nobody teaches us to be parents or children come with a manual under his arm,
so it is very easy to make key mistakes in the education of our children.
The education of children is strongly influenced by the education we have received, either, because we do the same things our parents, or perhaps the opposite.
But we always have reference education we receive.
This is neither good nor bad.
What you need to see, it is, whether or not work.
Because if it works, great!
Why should I stop doing something that gives me results?
But if it does not work, I have to change strategy.
And, it is very common with children and adolescents, what you work a while later stops working or what works for you with a son, good for the other.
Therefore, parents have to have resources to continue to adapt the strategy, both the person and to changes that occur.
Listening in Catalunya Radio a program with Daniel Gabarró, known psychologist, I was inspired to write this post.
The 4 key mistakes in the education of our children, who are to be avoided:
1. Allow inappropriate behaviour
this refers to any behavior involving aggression, threats, shouts, insults, tantrums, crying, etc. to get what they want.
If we are in the supermarket and my son wants something, he gets to mourn or to shout saying what he wants and I, “not hear” buy it,
What I am telling you with my actions?
“Every time you want something from the supermarket, if you cry and you cry, you will get it because I can not stand to see you like”
Surely explicitly, you never say that, but it is the message the child receives with my reaction to his behaviour.
And this example is for any unwanted behaviour.
When we give attention to unwanted behaviours, the child continues making because often all he wants is attention and, if it fails for good, test for bad and, if successful, will continue there.
What is the work done by parents?
Putting the focus on negative behaviours or positive?
I think you know the answer.
2. Do for the children, what they can do for themselves
This seems silly, but it is not.
As parents, we want the best for our children and we believe that helping in everything, be happier, but that is not so.
Every time I help my child to do something you could do for yourself, I am sending two messages:
- The first is “ I help you because I love you and want the best for you”
- The second is: “I help you because you alone are unable ”
This aid, as you can see, does not help, but limits.
If my child has trouble doing something, I will not replace to do it.
I have to help him do it, if you can not or do not know.
But if you can and you know, I have to let him do it himself.
And no matter if you’re wrong, if you do wrong, if you do not well I think I could do it … .he letting him or her be autonomous.
We all learn from our mistakes, why would remove that source of learning so great to my children?
To save them from the suffering of the fall?
But if I avoid all suffering,
I’m selling them an idea about a world that doesn’t exist.
I know that parents, this costs them a lot, but learning that we do.
Accept that the other makes mistakes and learn their lessons.
3. Avoid setting limits, rules and consequences.
This is another key error in the education of our children goes hand in hand with the above.
If before an undesirable behaviour, I do not put any consequence, what I am saying with my behaviour to my son?
“You can continue to behave as you want, that nothing happens”.
If my child does obligations you may have such as homework, make your bed, clean your room … and at that, is of no consequence. What I’m saying without words?
“Quiet honey, you have no obligation, nothing happens if you do homework or chores”.
Those are the messages they receive, but as the explicate, ie, do not say verbally, we are not aware that we.
Again, parents want the best.
We want them not to suffer.
We want them to be happy.
with the best intentions, the worst effects occur.
A child who has no consequences, no limits, no rules, first believe that only has rights and, ultimately, take hostage their parents, to meet all your wishes and needs.
At this time, the child, and take control, roles in the family, will be invested. The children happen to be above parents.
And this is so bad for parents and children.
Because children are growing and do not know many things in life.
Parents should have control.
Parents are adults that should guide.
And if this guide disappears, the children, are lost.
So, putting unwanted consequences to their behaviour, it is a way to guide them, to teach them what is the way.
And that is the greatest act of love that parents do.
4. Avoid lead by example
Parents, like it, or not want, we will always be an example to imitate for our children.
Because when they are young, we are the ones we know, we cover your needs, we teach them …
And they copied us forever.
But they not just copy what we say but what we do.
Therefore, as parents, we have to be an example to follow.
- Useless to tell my son not to criticize others if I spend the day criticizing the neighbour.
- Useless to say that it is “bad to smoke,” if I smoke.
- There is no point telling them they have to respect the opinion of my partner if I do not respect a.
If I am not an example to follow, my words are useless.
Because they get a mixed message, and that, he confuses even more.
Much work, eh!
But making key mistakes in the education of our children is human, as said earlier, no one has taught us and we have every right to be wrong.
But from our mistakes, from what does not work us, we can do something different, we can learn another way of doing things.
A way that works.
A way to make us feel good.
But let me remember something:
Right now, I’m sure:
“already you are doing well enough”
Maybe it’s just a matter of changing some things, to improve results.
If this post has given you some ideas, something you can put into practice, help me to spread it to reach more people. Thanks.