Do you get frustrated when you see your partner is like a motorcycle and you’re still pulling?
Does it happen sometimes that you get not reach orgasm?
Did it ever happen that you are so focused on orgasm, that you forget to enjoy the sensations?
Some time ago I read a book by Lucia Etxebarria Lucía Etxebarria, No Longer Suffer For Love, and I liked a story in which she describes a meeting between a man and a woman.
I try to summarize in my memory (but I warn you that a few years ago I read). I do not remember the names, but say they are called Julia and Oscar.
Oscar knows he has a date with a girl for dinner.
Out of work, showering and going to the site where they have been.
Julia, on the contrary, the encounter with Oscar begins much earlier.
Morning and start thinking about what is going to put clothes, how he planned the evening, what will speak, that tell you if you do not like, and if you like, etc.
After work and decides to shave, to go home pulled one hour trying on different models and styles.
Finally, he leaves home to go to where they have been.
The night goes well, and he invites her to go home, to which she agrees.
Already in the house, they start kissing and taking off her clothes and, while Oscar enjoys the moment, Julia thinking goes something like this:
“Will he like or not like me? Does he think I’m going too fast coming to his house the first night I know him? Should I sleep with him or just play? Will he like my body? And my breasts? Is he going to think that they are too small or too big? ¿Will he notice the flab that has put me in the belly? ”
As you can imagine, Julia’s missing everything that is happening.
He is not enjoying the kiss, caresses, passion … .because it is too preoccupied thinking.
And this, can spend as much on a first date, as when we have our couple of years.
Depending on the concerns we have at that time.
When the concern is “to reach orgasm”, if it is a concern that is maintained over time, you can get to obsess.
And the more you think about it, the more you obsess you.
And the more you obsess you, the less able you are to pay attention to your body sensations.
And therefore do not enjoy it.
If he is very excited and you do not, then you start to wonder what’s wrong. And you start to worry if you do not excite, will not reach orgasm.
The mind takes over and you begin to bombard thoughts:
“You have to climax”, “think of something that turns you”, “relax” …
With this background, and you tell me if you can or not relax.
What if I have clear is that you missed sensations.
The solution is easier said than done, because stopping the mind, is not always easy.
But every time you obsessed hitches to reach orgasm, remember that are the feelings, not thoughts that lead you to him.
And come or not come, if the sensual experience is pleasurable, you’ll enjoy it much more, that if you get through the exigency and control.
Practice focusing on every feeling you get.
Pay attention to what you feel when you caress, when you kiss, when you notice skin contact with skin.
Remember also that each person has their own pace, and there is a difference between the sexual response of men and women.
So lower your level of requirement.
Your target must be feeling the sensations.
Parked aside the obsession of having to reach orgasm.
And allow yourself to savor every bodily sensation.
The fact changes the target and down your requirement in having to reach completion, will enhance the sexual experience.
And if you still do not get it, I leave the last advice.
Do the opposite
If by focusing on feelings, you still can enjoy.
Do the opposite, ie, try not to feel .
Imagine you’re at the gynecologist, and you are doing a scan.
Avoid any excitement you may have at the time of intercourse.
The truth is that the gynecologist scans are quite unpleasant, so if you keep this idea in mind, you’ll be fine.
With every kiss, every touch … nothing.
You feel nothing.
Your goal is to freeze yourself.
Maybe the effect of this exercise surprises you.
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