Have you ever been explained the difference between love and attention?
The truth is that I myself have confused the terms for a long time, and have received or demanded attention, when in fact, what I wanted was love.
There are many substitutes for love, and in this post I will discuss some like sex, complacency or rebellion. My goal is to learn the difference between love and attention, to stop strive to get attention, and you focus on what you really deserve, that is all the love in the world.
And what is the difference between love and attention?
Love will never ask you to give to you, your person or what you want. You always respected and valued in every way. He will take care of you and treat you with care. And you’ll stop feeling empty, because you will be filled with love.
Attention will ask you to sacrifice that you put yourself ahead of the needs and desires of others above yours, you give it everything and settle for nothing. It will not be assessed and will leave you a constant feeling of emptiness.
I know that explain the difference is easier to live, but in doubt, ask yourself how you feel and be able to tell if what you get is love or attention.
Love is necessary for survival
All human beings, from birth, they need love and care. In fact, to ensure their survival, the baby has incorporated a series of “seducing” mechanisms for the care and protection they need from adults.
Parents do the best they can with the knowledge and resources they have to educate their children, but it is not uncommon for a child, even with the “best” parents in the world, I‘ve experienced moments of solitude , lack of affection, or feel you don’t get enough love from your loved ones.
Then, might use different techniques to get, for example, become a “good” girl, exemplary, faultless, as perfect as possible … that way they would have no choice but to love you.
Or, if for good, not conseguías his love, then you could spend the opposite side and become the “rebel”, because somehow, you had to get them do case.
So you get to adulthood hungry for love and certain patterns of behavior, to get it.
However, if in your childhood you did not have your parents or family, the love that you would have liked, is your responsibility as an adult, the search for it elsewhere.
And I say love, not care, that is different.
But we explain some of these behaviors that you can use, wrongly, to get what you want:
If you chose to be a “good” girl, an example of your parents could be proud, you may have created a pattern of behavior complacent.
That means that to get love, you dedicate yourself to please everyone.
Your “mission” so to speak, is to meet the needs of anyone before yours.
But if you dig a little deeper into this willingness, you realize that, deep down, you what you want to be loved.
You change pleasuring your attention.
But you forget that attention is not love, what happens is that you know how much … you seem confused and you settle and, in the process, you forget you.
If you are going from “good” you do not go your way, can you to try to “go bad”. Believe me, this tactic gets very good results.
If you rebel against everything, you get attention. It may not be exactly the loving care you would like, but is usually valued more you look because you have misbehaved, rather than go unnoticed.
So you dedicate yourself to go against everyone and to settle the attention you get through your behavior.
But this is not love.
In the background, you feel the same lack of love in the first case, all your strategy to achieve this is different.
You get attention, using a pattern that leaves you empty inside.
When you reach adulthood, your strategies to get love, refined.
From my point of view, sex is what most resembles a substitute for love. Because physical contact with another person, can impregnate your energy and for a few hours or even days, you can forget your need for love.
It is very easy to confuse the attention that you receive during sex, with love.
Even if you are able to see that all you have is care for a certain time, auto-you deceive yourself, believing that physical care you receive is as close as you can be love.
What is the price you pay for this substitute love?
As says Dr. Miguel Ruíz Miguel Ruíz, you settle for “crumbs” when you could have it all.
In his book, The Mastery of Love , sets an example that I really like and that says something like:
If you had a magical kitchen in your house to give you all the food that shellfish from anywhere in the world, you never worry bout what to eat. Anything you want you are the might get your kitchen and she will gladly give it. You could even invite your house whom you want, for your magic kitchen give you plenty of food for everyone.
Imagine that one day, came to your door a person with a pizza and you say, “I’ll give you pizza, if you let me control your life. Just do what I want ”.
You having a magical kitchen that can give you all pizzas you want, what do you think would you answer?
– Well, come in, I will invite you.
But now imagine another situation where you carry several days without eating, you are very hungry, and do not have enough money to buy food. And the same person comes and gives you the same. Even tells you that if you do what he tells you, you give one pizza every day.
Will you accept his pizza?
Maybe you did not like much the idea of having to give you, but … .your need to eat would be so great that probably would accept.
And that’s what happens when you’re hungry for love:
- You accept attention as a substitute for love
- Waivers to you, to let somebody else to guide and control your life
- You settle for the crumbs they give you, forgetting that you deserve more.
And how stop settling for crumbs?
Well, beginning to see what you need . Learning to love you so much, you can give your favorite food, so that when another pizza man comes to your door with such intentions, you are able to slam the door in their faces.
My wish is that find the love of your heart , and that never again settle for crumbs or substitutes for love. And above all, if you discover any pattern to get attention, you can stop and redirect your way.
And finally, remember that you are not alone. From here I send you all the strength and vision of which I am capable.