How many times have you adapted to the other people’s plans?
How many times have you shown yourself as”available” even thou deep down you were not?
How often did pleasing lower your self-esteem?
In this post, I’ll explain some mistakes you make to please others, probably without realizing them.
You do know that if you want things to be different, you have to begin to behave differently, so I hope that these little tips, will help you to set on the path to self-worth.
- 1 7 mistakes you make to please others
- 2 3 Foolproof Steps to learn to Say No and Earn People's respect
7 mistakes you make to please others
1. Give a lot
In general, when you start a relationship of any kind, you want to be loved by the other person.
There’s nothing wrong with that, it’s quite natural.
The problem arises when you start giving disproportionately to the other.
- You give your love
- You give your time
- You give your support
- You give your help
- You give your money
You give… EVERYTHING
And in the beginning of a relationship, when you are starting to get to know that person, even if you love them very much … it’s a mistake to give EVERYTHING.
Because you don’t know that person well, and as you give, I imagine you’ll want to receive.
But why give EVERYTHING in the beginning?
Is it that you can’t wait to see if the person is worth it?
You have to give yourself up slowly and over time, you’ll find out, right?
Couldn’t you give as you get to know that person better?
And in that way, get a balanced relationship.
2. Always say Yes, but not really feeling like saying it
Another of the mistakes you make to please others.
You want to be loved and be important to others… and that’s why you do accept any proposal or request, without giving yourself the opportunity to decide whether you want it or not.
What are you telling the other with such behavior?
That “whatever he or she asks will be granted.”
Whether you like it or not.
And what’s the implicit message you are giving even if you’re unaware of it?
“What you want is more important than what I want”
3. Not asking what you want
For fear of being rejected, disliked, or asking “too much” you end up asking for nothing.
What’s the big problem of not asking for what you want?
The other will get the wrong impression of you.
He or she will think you are a person who doesn’t have needs and to whom everything seems ok.
When this is not the case at all.
The fact that you don’t ask, doesn’t mean you don’t want anything.
Why do you hide your needs?
What’s the point?
In order to please the other do you want to pay the price of giving yourself up?
Are you sure?
I hope not.
4. Providing everything, sacrificing yourself.
Imagine that the other has to do something but it’s not working well. Then, you move mountains to do it for them.
Because you like that person, you strive, and you try to make everything easy for the other person…so they’ll be by your side.
What kind of person are you “selling”?
Do you realize that by doing so, what the other could do it for himself or herself, you are assuming a responsibility that doesn’t belong to you?
If you keep doing this, ultimately, disappointment awaits you, because the other person gets used to not even lifting a finger for anything, let alone for you.
So…when it comes to this behavior.
Do not damage yourself any longer.
5. To always be available
More mistakes to please others.
This is similar to saying yes to everything, but in this case, I am referring more to question of time.
For example, imagine that another person asks you to do something together despite the fact that you already had plans.
Even if the other person calls you in the last moment or changes the plan last minute.
You go and cancel an appointment with another person, because ” this person ” told you to stay.
Why is the last moment plan more important than what you had already planned?
With this behavior you are sending several implicit messages:
- To whom proposed the last minute plan: you are always available for him or her, “they don’t need to take your time into account“
- To whom you changed the plans you already had because “the other called”: you are saying that you give more value to a person that you have just met, than to one who you had good relationship with” ( it could be a friend, for example)
- To yourself: “being available for him or her is more important than being available for yourself”
Again, with these actions, what you achieve is that the other person won’t value you.
In addition, by changing your plans and always being available for the other person, won’t make them love you more.
6. You adapt for the other person
These are the typical relationships in which if one likes movies and the other sports, either they just play sports or go to the movies.
It isn’t “today for you, tomorrow for me”
In order to please the other, you adapt.
- You adapt to his friendships,
- adapt to his tastes,
- adapt to his hobbies …
Why don’t they adapt their plans for you instead?
Your tastes, your hobbies, your friendships…do have the same value.
I am not saying you have to do everything together.
You can do things separately.
But yes it’s important for adjustments to be made by both sides.
When you make all these mistakes, without realizing them, ultimately you’re crafting a lie.
And you sell a false version of yourself to the other person.
Usually, after some time, you get tired of their behavior, of them not asking you what you want, or giving importance to your needs or adapting to what you like…
Why are you surprised?
It’s what you’ve been showing them all along.
It’s what you “sold” through your actions. And the other person bought it.
So why are you deceiving yourself and fooling the other one, by being someone that you are not?
Only to be loved by the other?
From my point of view, you have to be able to be yourself within the relationship with the other person.
And if in order to be loved, you have to stop being yourself, in that case, it will be better for you to find a person who likes you the way you are.
Otherwise, you’ll never be happy.
Because you cannot quit yourself in order to please others.
I hope you understand better the mistakes you make to please others.
If you know someone who should be mindful of these mistakes, please help me reach more people by sharing this article.