Are you sure that it will happen or are you only afraid of it happening?
Does sexual impotence always happen or does it only happen from time to time?
Like women, men can also have difficulties during sex.
A positive aspect of women, is that they talk and share their concerns, getting support and ideas that can help them.
For men, it’s harder to share their problems, so their partner can be a good support to discuss their concerns with sex.
Causes of sexual impotence in men
There can be many causes:
- Worrying excessively
- Difficulty to relax
- Fear of failure
- Fear of not “being up to standard”
- The certainty that “it will happen”
But even though knowing the cause can help you to understand the situation better, it won’t solve the problem.
From Strategic Brief Therapy we use strategies oriented towards overcoming the problem, in the shortest amount of time.
Let’s think about the situation
Imagine you’re having a good time with your partner, you’re both very turned on and just when you’re about to have sex, impotence arrives.
Typically in these cases: the man is frustrated, the woman doesn’t know what to do to help, and game is over.
Also, maybe, during foreplay the penis doesn’t become erect.
In these cases, people tend to avoid sex.
But let me ask you a few questions:
If sexual impotence in men can take away the “good vibes” you both had, answer the following questions:
Is the penetration of the “most” important thing in a sexual relationship?
Do you “have” to make love?
Is it vital to reach orgasm?
Do you need an erect penis to have fun?
How can “impotence” be so important as to end sexual contact?
Who is giving it so much importance?
Erectile dysfunction (impotence) treatment
The first thing we need to make sure of, is that there isn’t a physical or biological aspect causing the erection problems.
Some medicines can cause this as a side effect, so always, consult with a specialist first.
And once you’ve checked that everything is ok, we’ll see what we can do to deal with impotence in men:
1. Don’t let it cut your good vibes.
If this problem has been going on for a long time, you both know it may happen, so you can integrate it.
And, I would even dare to say: play to cause it.
Accept it as one more thing, but keep playing without thinking about it too much.
2. Change your goal from reaching an “orgasm” to “enjoying the pleasure”
Sounds good, right?
Which of the two will give the other more pleasure without reaching climax?
That’s a good challenge.
We’re bombarded with ideas on how sex should be, how it should end or what do should achieve, but who makes the rules?
Just you and him or her, only you can choose what you want and makes you feel good.
Books can give you several ideas on erotic games, that focus on pleasuring each other and enjoying your sexuality.
3. Do NOT avoid sexual relationships
Independently of whether sexual impotence in men emerges at the beginning sex or just at the moment of penetration, isn’t a reason to avoid initiating sexual intercourse with your partner.
Because every time you avoid it, you’re just making the problem grow, because you’re reinforcing the belief that “why try, if I know I will fail?”
Yes, you have to try it, to avoid making the problem grow, because if you don’t it give much importance and relax, you’ll get over it.
So, you know, practice!
4. Penetration prohibited (for a while)
When erection problems have taken the main role, and have caused a couple to avoid or abandon sex, a good strategy is to decrease the pressure on the man or couple by “forbidding” penetration for a while.
You can agree on the terms with your partner. The important thing is to reduce the anxiety caused by “having to” make love.
Once the pressure is gone, you’ll be able to devote more time to the points I mentioned before, especially, the one about giving and receiving pleasure in other ways.
Sexual impotence in men can be solved, but you need to take the appropriate steps.
Seeking professional help for a short time, may help you get on the right path and use the right strategies.
If you want more information about the way I do online couples therapy, don’t hesitate to contact me, the first session is free.