It also happens to you that sometimes your limits happen and you do not realize?
Or probably, you do not even know which are your limits, only that sometimes you feel bad and do not know why.
Have you asked you at some time where your limit is?
Do you manage to put limits?
Imagine a life in which you have the clearest what you want, you know where your limits are, what yes you accept and what not.
In addition, you realize immediately if someone or something penetrates them, and you can stop it.
You are capable of saying not, and do not have any problem in separating all that that does not respect your limits.
It is not bad, eh?
I imagine you thinking … yes, clearly, as if it was so easy.
Already I know it.
Neither it is easy for me.
How? For a psychologist is not it easy to put limits?
Well, so it will depend on many factors.
First to say to you that besides psychologist, I am a human being … I am wrong and, especially, I am not the illuminated one.
In addition, I grew in a family where there was no limit and, to my father, who was spending them to him very often, due to his disease, nobody stopped it.
So, I have had TO LEARN to put limits.
For what I will try to summarize the process in 3 simple steps:
1. To define the personal limits
The REA defines limit as ” end that can reach the physical thing and the mental thing “.
When I speak about the personal limits, I refer, principally, to the second ones, which they have to see with our emotions.
Often, without having thought it before, already we know what we accept and what not.
But others, we do not know it, and it is important to define it not to take us themselves to us, to extreme situations.
You might do a small list of which they are your personal limits.
2. To identify the own limits
Once defined, it means that you know them, and therefore, has to be easy for you, to identify when you are coming to your personal limit.
Curiously, it is in the habit of happening that this “identification” fails, and we finish feeling very badly, and without knowing why.
But I will give you a trick that never fails.
It is an alarm that warns you.
And he says to you: ” it hears, this is not OK ”
You have felt this alarm often, but it is possible that you have not noticed him.
Because it is what protects you from coming to disagreeable situations.
I identify this alarm as a sensation of discomfort, that is to say, you start feeling bad and/or can feel also pricks in the solar plexus (you can locate it in the mouth of the stomach, between the navel and the heart, in the pericardium or in the V of the ribs, under the chests).
I joust at this moment, someone can be spending your limits, you lacking it to the respect, or not fulfilling the approved thing.
And this someone can be a day pupil, but also you can be yourself.
And here, the thing is complicated.
Because we have a great aptitude to deceive ourselves to us themselves.
You might be lacking you to the respect, or not fulfilling your own agreements, and to invent, at the same time, a thousand excuses that justify you.
3. To put limits
You know which are your limits, know when someone spends them, so it is a moment of which you put them.
A limit is associated with an action or consequence.
If it was not like that, there would no be limit
At the personal level,
Imagine that you are very hard-working and that you are in the habit of demanding yourself very much.
After a time, this exigency becomes increasingly oppressive, until finally, you exploit emotionally, for not being able to bear your own pressure.
Let’s follow now the sequence that we have been explaining:
Step 1: to define the limit. When requires to give more than you can and you do not grant rests to yourself, you take you itself to yourself to an extreme situation.
Step 2: To identify it. When you go 4 or 5 days demanding to give you everything and more, you start feeling bad. Probably frustrated, oppressed, irritable, sad, rabid …
Step 3: To put limit: When you notice that YOU BEGIN to be tired, irritated or burst of speed, you might:
- To give you certain rests in that you could recover forces
- to give you spaces where to do actively nothing
- to introduce in your week some activity of leisure and enjoyment
- or …
Every person will have to associate an action or consequence with every personal limit.
If this happens, I do a different thing.
If such a thing happens, I will act in such a way.
And this one is the way of putting limits.
Sometimes, you will need time to think about what actions or consequences you will realize.
But it is important that you do.
Because if you do not do it, you will spend your life of explosion in an emotional explosion.
If it was using as something …
4. Benefits of putting limits
If you respect and respect your limits, others also will do it.
If someone spends your limits and you make it meet acting of a certain way, or putting a consequence, you are teaching to this person how it must treat you.
Know which are your limits it will protect you from emotional unnecessary explosions.
When you are capable of putting limits, that is to say, of taking decisions and actions when they are not fulfilled, you will feel surer of yourself.
And it will increase your auto-esteem and your strength.
So, for what are you waiting to start defining which are your limits?
It takes a pen and paper.
He thinks about situations about those that you feel or have felt bad.
Identify in what moment the thing already had overflown.
It locates the moment in which you START not being nice, a long BEFORE the emotional explosion.
This it is the moment to put a limit, and to choose a consequence or action, which you will realize if it returns to happen.
You have work.
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