To manage loneliness, you must go from suffering from it to acting on it.
What is loneliness?
Loneliness is a feeling that can manifest as:
And what happens when you don’t know how to manage those emotions?
Well, you suffer because of them.
Suffering from Loneliness and its vicious circle
And what does it mean to “suffer” from loneliness?
It means that loneliness is a symptom.
And in general, it’s caused by some erroneous negative thoughts.
You could feel that you’re lacking something because you feel that “you don’t have enough” …
from someone else
and this leads to a feeling of sadness.
And it comes with the following thoughts to reinforce it:
- “Nobody loves me”
- “I’m not important enough”
- “He never does anything special for me”
- “He never has time for me”
And this may lead to a feeling of emptiness.
Which comes with the appropriate thoughts for the feeling:
- “I’m alone”
- “What’s the point of feeling anything for anyone?”
- “I better lock up my feelings”
And this could lead to feelings of loss, isolation…
You suffer from this loneliness as if it rained on you all day long.
The world turns black and bleak
Even if you’re accompanied, that feeling doesn’t go away.
You can be surrounded by people and still feel just as lonely.
So, you start looking for culprits:
- You blame life for not giving you what would make you feel good: love, friendship, a sense of belonging…
- You blame others for not being able to undo the anxious knot you feel in your stomach when in their company.
And in more cases than I’d like to see:
- You blame yourself for having done everything wrong and therefore, for your loneliness.
In short, it’s an endless wheel.
A vicious circle that must be ended.
3 strategies to manage loneliness
So, let’s end that condition through 3 steps:
1. Ending victimhood
I’d like to remind you that this victimhood may be coming automatically from your subconscious, without any actions involved on your part.
To end it, imagine a character.
So, every time you “catch” yourself complaining, “move away” from that thought.
Place some distance between what “Mrs. Pupas” is saying and what you want.
And stop believing the negative stories she tells you once and for all
- About yourself
- About life
- About others
Listen to her, ignore her, and do what you need to do.
That is, go on with your life without paying much attention to Mrs. Pupas.
2. Observe without identifying yourself
Managing loneliness, any of them, implies being able to NOT identify with your emotion.
And what does that mean?
Well, you have to understand that you are NOT your emotions.
You’re not your thoughts either.
That way, you can become an “observer”
One that doesn’t try to change anything.
You just watch.
And you don’t move.
And you don’t get carried away by that emotion either.
It’s as if you were going to the cinema to watch the movie “loneliness”
Imagine yourself there, with some popcorn, but a few feet away.
You’ll notice how that feeling of loneliness becomes less intense.
3. Radically accept
Clearly, you can’t always alter or do something about what’s happening to you.
If you can’t change it, you have to accept it.
And then let it go.
There’s no point in fighting the impossible.
Accept what Is radically.
Saying yes to what Is.
With no battles.
No more fights.
Because when you do that, you put it to rest.
The stress of fighting the impossible disappears.
Besides, it doesn’t make much sense to fight the impossible.
But people are that naive.
If you want to continue learning how to set some distance between you and your emotions and manage your loneliness, I recommend doing my free Mindfulness course, that will be able soon.