Would you like to overcome your jealousy but don’t know how?
Do you feel overwhelmed by jealousy and is it causing problems in your relationship?
Mismanaged jealousy can destroy your relationship.
What is jealousy?
Jealousy is an emotional response to the possibility of losing a loved one.
Normally, jealousy means feeling that your partner is paying more attention to
or something like
or some other activity
which can lead to a fear of abandonment.
Jealousy makes the mind begin to IMAGINE all sorts of situations
where one can see betrayal
where there’s probably none.
To try to appease that feeling of insecurity that generates that fear of abandonment,
the jealous person becomes a sort of investigator.
- If there’s an unanswered question, jealousy will become an obsession.
- If one is certain the other will leave, the jealous person can become paranoid.
Why do we get jealous?
There are many reasons, such as:
Lack of self-confidence:
The lack of trust can be generated for several reasons:
- Experiencing a different kind of relationship
I remember a client I had who, after being with a woman for many years “depended” on him on many levels (economic, social, decision-making, etc.)
he started dating a woman
that had always been independent
at all levels.
This way of relating in which he did not feel “important” or “needed” caused him a lot of anguish.
and made him doubt himself
and their relationship.
- Difficulty believing that they can be loved just the way they are
There are people who have not had much love in their childhood or in their life,
so they have not experienced love for who they are.
In this case,
they doubt the love their partner offers,
because they can’t accept they’re worthy of love.
To overcome jealousy based on lived experiences, we have to differentiate between:
a) Past experiences
If you had a past relationship where your trust was betrayed,
you may distrust others.
Because your mind tells you:
“It happened once, so why not again?”
In any situation “similar” to something you’ve already experienced,
(for example, in the event that your previous partner was unfaithful),
there won’t be paranoia or obsession,
Similar things or situations
update an old pain.
b) Present experiences
Your current relationship may also involve certain situations that lead to jealousy, such as:
– seeing your partner flirting with another person
– finding mysterious messages
– discovering an infidelity
In this case, I refer you to this article.
7 tips to overcome jealousy in your relationship
1. Find out what’s “behind” your jealousy
When you sunbathe too much, you get burned.
Your skin gets red,
that’s a symptom,
which you can see,
but the reason was prolonged exposure to sunlight.
Also, searching behind that jealousy
will help you identify the thought or belief that causes it.
Overall, jealousy is often related to:
Once you identify the emotion, then you can do something to overcome your jealousy.
2. Manage emotions
Once you’ve identified the emotion behind that jealousy, you’ll be able to manage it.
Every emotion is handled differently.
- we must channel anger,
- fear has to be faced and
- to overcome pain, you have to go through it.
Whatever the emotion, you have,
each one needs space and time to be expressed.
3. Find the belief that causes your jealousy
Here’s a little exercise:
Imagine that your emotion is insecurity.
So you write on a piece of paper:
- “I feel insecure because…“
Let your thoughts roam free and writhe down any idea that comes to mind without judgment.
Make a list of all the thoughts that come and then analyze them.
4. Take whatever actions are necessary
At this point, you know:
- What feeling lies behind jealousy
- How to manage that emotion
- What beliefs cause it
a) If you’re obsessed, but NOTHING similar ever happened to you
Try to challenge your mind:
- What leads to your beliefs?
- What justifies your beliefs?
- Does that certain behavior really imply that “he/she is going to go with someone else”?
- If he doesn’t love you, why is he with you?
Stop following what your mind tells you, as it could be wrong.
b) If you’re CERTAIN that the other will leave:
Try to figure out the actions that made you believe that.
- What experiences indicate that this is going to happen?
When you have doubts,
you can challenge your mind,
but when you’re certain,
the only experience can help you fix your mind.
c) If you’ve EXPERIENCED previous treason in your life.
When the behavior of your current partner causes you pain
because it looks like one you lived before,
the pain you experienced in the past has to be reviewed.
So, take the opportunity to heal your wound.
Think about your past and take in all the pain.
This will help close and heal your wound.
d) If you discover your partner’s infidelity:
Then deal with your emotions
because it’s no longer just about overcoming your jealousy,
but to make the right decisions.
I leave here the link to another post that will guide you in this process.
5. Seek alternative thoughts
If your mind is full of thoughts, re-think them.
Constructive, positive thoughts, strengthen your self-esteem and your self-worth.
And that doesn’t happen by itself.
So you’ll need to make an effort to achieve it.
The idea is to balance your positive and negative thoughts.
6. Change your focus
What do you usually do when jealousy takes hold of you?
Probably, you’ll try to control what the other person is
- Where he/she is
- How long is he/she out
- With whom
- Who he/she relates with
- What dangers they are under
As you know, or as you can imagine, this is exhausting.
If you have to spend the day checking, you won’t have much energy for anything else.
And you know what else?
To control your partner,
you begin to become an overbearing person to you.
So I advise you to stop.
Stop being a cop and focus on yourself.
Remember what you like and what makes you feel good.
Read a book on self-esteem or self-worth.
Cultivate your relationship with yourself, because that’s how you’ll regain confidence in yourself.
And set limits if you consider them necessary:
For that, I leave you my free guide:
7. Overcoming jealousy takes time
Like with every symptom,
you can only cure something
until it eliminates what causes it.
So take it easy, because you’ll need
to change your beliefs,
make certain decisions and
change your behavior.
I have undergone a situation of jealousy,
for both myself and my partner.
I know how hard it’s to be on either side and,
it isn’t worth it.
So if you need professional help,
just email me at firstname.lastname@example.org
and request a free initial consultation.