Have you found yourself thinking why don’t they value me…?
“With everything I do for you”, for him, for her, for all of you… and you don’t value me!”
Why doesn’t my… Partner, friend, boyfriend, value me?
There may be many reasons, here are a few of them.
1.They have a different consciousness level than you
Consciousness is a person’s ability to recognize themsleves.
We could define 4 levels of consciousness in people:
- Those who believe that the problem lies outside of them
In this state, the person considers that all the problems they have are caused by some external reason.
They are selfish people, who focus on themselves and their needs.
They usually can’t put themselves in other people’s shoes.
They are negative people who spend their lives complaining.
So, if you interact with these types of people, they probably won’t value you.
Well, because they cannot look beyond themselves.
And anything you do that doesn’t meet their expectations will be cause for complaint.
Wanting these types of people to value you is like asking an apple tree for pears.
2. Those who realize that something is wrong, but don’t know what it is
These types of people understand that perhaps not all their problems are external.
They have begun to perceive that they too hold some responsibility.
But still, they can’t act on it.
They lack knowledge and a strategy.
If you interact with these types of people, they may value you sometimes, and others, may blame you for everything.
They may take responsibility sometimes, and totally disregard it at others.
3. Those who acknowledge their power to change what they don’t like in life
These people can differentiate between what depends on them and what doesn’t.
They know how to manage their thoughts and emotions.
And they act based on their values.
If any of these people don’t value you, you can talk to them and express your emotions.
They’ll most probably be empathetic, and you’ll be able to reach agreements on how you want to interact in the future.
You’ll learn from your relationship and improve it.
4. People who can see others as they see themselves
These people identify with their true self.
And I don’t think a person like that can criticize you.
Because criticizing you, would mean criticizing themsleves.
And that makes no sense for that sort of people.
Because they understand that we are all one.
Now, imagine that you’re in level 3 and interact with a person in level 1.
To answer the question “why don’t they value me?”, you need to understand that:
As long as they are in a lower consciousness level than you, they won’t be able to value you.
Because their mental structures DON’T allow it.
So, having a conversation like the one you’d have with someone in level 3 would be very hard.
The best thing in this situation is to not conflict with them.
Because you’ll only end up fighting and suffering.
With people in a level 2 consciousness, there may be times in which you can talk to them and reach agreements, and others in which they may not respect that pact.
In that case, I advise you to write down any agreements so you can recall them when necessary.
With people in levels 3 or 4, you won’t have any trouble asking for what you need and being respected.
2. Their values are different than yours
In this case, it isn’t so much about not being valued, but about what’s important to you, not to the,
Their value scale is different and that can make you feel like they don’t value you.
Here’s an example:
Imagine that to you, sharing with your partner or your friend is an important value.
And the value of “sharing” is at the top of your values list.
However, the person you’re interacting with, has money as their main value.
Faced with a situation in which you ask them to share something with you.
If that person can choose between sharing something with you or working more and earning more money.
What do you think they’ll choose?
The latter, of course.
And if this repeats over time…
How do you think you’ll feel?
And if you try to talk to this person and explain that they always prioritize other things before you.
They may recognize it, or they may not.
But they will always prioritize money in their choices.
Since it’s their main value.
So instead of asking yourself why doesn’t he value me? Maybe you should investigate:
- what values are important to this person?
- are their values like mine?
Because if you know what’s important to you and others, then it’ll be much easier for you to understand why they choose what they do.
But there’s another option.
What happens when you think that they don’t value you when, actually, it is you who DOESN’T value yourself?
What happens when I DON’T value myself?
1. You see in others what you don’t recognize in yourself
Every time you see something outside of yourself, in this case, a lack of appreciation, that bothers you, deep down, you aren’t talking about others, but about yourself.
Instead of asking yourself, why don’t they value me?
It’d be nice to change the question to:
Why don’t I value MYSELF?
Everything we see in others that bothers us, refers to ourselves.
2. You allow others to treat you badly
Here’s a metaphor, to explain this simply:
Let’s imagine that you live in a small, simple house, without too much furniture, but, it’s yours, you like it, you feel good and safe in it.
You really value your house and, yet, every time you very much and, however, every day go
to work, shopping or anywhere, you forget to close the door.
A neighbor passes by, sees the door open, goes in, takes something and leaves, it was free.
A friend who was walking nearby sees the door open, so she goes in, moves some stuff a
bit, and leaves.
Later, an interesting man passes by, who doesn't even bother to enter because he’s in a hurry.
But as he always passes by and sees the door open, he thinks “maybe I’ll come back some other day, as the door is always open.”
And you don’t understand why you aren’t valued, and yet,
YOU’re the one who keeps forgetting to close the door!
It’s as if you were telling others:
“my home is always open for you”
And you think that:
- with that 24-hour availability
- by giving everything yo have
- offering everything, even if there’s nothing left for you
others will be amazed by your generosity and recognize and value your effort, but…
Why is the opposite happening?
Could you be using the wrong strategy?
What to do when someone doesn’t value you
Continuing with the metaphor of leaving the door of your house open for anyone, we could say:
If by leaving the door open and giving and doing everything right, you aren’t valued, if not even you are valuing yourself…
You may need to close the door and start giving: less and worse.
What exactly does this mean?
What exactly does this mean?
Imagine that you’re very interested in a new friendship or relationship and offer everything you have:
- your time
- your care
- your dedication
- your patience
- your listening…
And that person accepts everything you give them.
But then the day comes when it is you who needs:
- to be heard
- to be cared for
- to be given the time
And, continuously, that person is never available to you.
Giving less and worse means that next time they come looking for you, you will also not find the time, or you’ll be less patient or pay less attention.
But don’t misinterpret me.
This isn’t about revenge.
It’s about putting yourself at a level where you don’t feel like the other person is taking advantage of you.
However, if you want to continue giving without expecting anything in return, that’s your choice.
In this article, I’m talking about situations in which you feel bad, because others don’t value you.
It’s about seeking a reciprocal relationship.
And this is the activity that I propose for today:
Close the door of your house and only open it when the person who comes to see you is really interested in you.
Open your door when who comes to see you, values both your time and dedication.
For those who don’t value it, close the door at once!
And stop hurting yourself.
Because only you can give yourself the value you deserve.
And you don’t give valuable things to just anyone, right?
Well, start treating yourself as the most valuable thing in your life
And every time you leave the house,
Remember to close the door!
If you can’t do it alone, I can help you.