Did you know that the wounded inner child we all have within could be sabotaging your current plans?
What is our inner child?
Your inner child is a metaphor for your emotions.
I had my first encounter with “my inner child” when I was 19.
At that time, the book “You Can Heal Your Life” by Louise Hay fell into my hands,
And after reading that,
I changed my relationship with myself,
forever.
Until that moment,
I hadn’t known of the existence of being “with myself”
or of an “inner child”.
Erik Berne and his theory of transactional analysis,
also helped me understand that part better.
But once you figure this out,
you can improve that internal relationship
with yourself.
I present to you your inner child
To introduce your inner girl or boy, I’ll ask you a few questions:
- How were you when you were little?
- Do you remember?
- What did you like? What were you afraid of?
- What dreams did you have?
- What were your insecurities?
If you can remember how you were when you were small,
you’ll have a pretty clear image of how your inner child is now.
I meet my clients’ inner children almost daily.
In general, I can tell you that the inner child is, the most
innocent
vulnerable
passionate
insecure
naive
needy
happy
vital
part of you …
If you still have trouble imagining it,
a little boy or girl.
Children live in the present.
They live from emotions.
They still haven’t formed a system of judgments.
And what they don’t understand
they create.
If you don’t understand, ask a child how they came into the world…
The wounded inner child
Why is your inner child hurt?
In general, we’ve all grown up in families where,
despite their good intentions
their actions,
words,
gestures,
looks…
have caused
the worst effects in you.
Children need a lot of attention.
But parents need to work.
Children want their parents’ approval.
And parents want “kids to behave”.
Children want to feel loved for who they are.
Parents want their children to have a good future.
So, unintentionally, a child can be hurt in many ways…
- because they feel that no matter how hard they try, they can’t satisfy their parents
- because their parents don’t give them the time or attention they need
- because if they don’t do exactly what their parents say, they get angry
- because they think they aren’t interesting enough
- etc.
And let me tell you, parents do what they can.
And so do children.
I’m not talking about guilt.
But I do want to talk about responsibility.
The responsibility to investigate if your inner child is hurt
and to do something about it.
How do I know if my inner child is hurt?
The best indicator is knowing if you can manage your emotions.
Because remember that your inner child represents your emotional part.
Other indicators that can help you discover if your inner child is hurt,
can be:
- you react to difficult situations “in the same or similar way” as when you were a child
- your criticism when you do something wrong, is similar to what your parents told you (you need to reflect on this as well)
- Your life is a mountain of emotional ups and downs.
- Sometimes you overreact and don’t understand why.
This doesn’t always have to happen.
This only needs to happen sometimes or in some areas of your life to know that you have a wounded inner child
and haven’t noticed.
How does your wounded inner child affect your present?
Imagine a situation where you want to set a limit,
it could be at work
with a friend or
someone in your family.
And when you decide to do so,
you get blocked.
You just can’t.
Perhaps for fear of rejection,
of conflict,
of being abandoned…
So, I ask:
Who’s more afraid of being abandoned, a child or an adult?
If a very young child is abandoned, they could die.
An adult can find a way to survive.
Let’s go back to the example:
Right now, if you’re faced with a situation in which you need to set a limit,
Your emotional part tells you:
“it’s dangerous to be abandoned”
And you react by shutting up.
You don’t say anything,
Or set any limits.
I’m not saying you always have to talk.
But you must be able to CHOOSE.
If when faced with a situation
your inner child tells you:
“don’t do it, it’s dangerous”
Your rational (or adult) part
can assess the degree of danger.
Assess the pros and cons
to decide or
act in a certain way.
And based on that,
considering the fear (or the emotional part)
reach an agreement.
But what usually happens?
When your emotional part says: 
“danger”
you believe it, without even questioning it.
This is a problem.
This is only one example.
Now replicate this example
with everything you want to do
that holds some negative hidden emotion that prevents you from doing it.
That negative emotion = your wounded inner child
3 strategies to heal your inner child
1.Watch your inner dialogue
To heal your wounded inner child, you need to stop criticizing yourself.
- Would you want to be with a person who spends all day telling you how badly you do everything?
- Or telling you that your effort “isn’t enough”?
I wouldn’t.
That’s exhausting.
And yet
how often do you “catch” yourself involved in that kind of internal dialogue?
This can’t continue if you want to improve your relationship with yourself.
Your words need to be supportive and not devaluating.
2.You must treat yourself with a lot of love
Do you remember needing love when you were little?
Well, imagine that your child is still hungry for love, care, tenderness, recognition, approval…
How do you console that little crying girl?
Would you tell her to “stop crying, it’s not such a big deal!”?
No, right?
So why do you do it to your self?
Why do you treat yourself badly?
I guess because you don’t realize it.
But here I am, with this article, to help you notice it.
From now on, I’d like for you to stand and talk to yourself with all the love in the world every time and emotion overcomes you, or you have a difficult or overwhelming situation.
Loving yours is essentially being able to recover your inner child.
3.Show him that he can trust you
Trust isn’t earned from one day to the other.
But every day,
in every situation and
with every decision.
Improving your relationship with your wounded inner child isn’t easy.
That part of you has been “abandoned” for many years.
So, you’ll need to show him that,
from now on,
you’ll “be there” for him.
One day.
And the next.
And the next too.
Slowly,
over time,
and if you do what you say,
that relationship will change
and that part of you will stop “affecting you”
negatively
and will become a support,
that will change how you perceive things.
I assure you that this change is priceless.
You’ll go:
- From loneliness to support
- From destructive to constructive criticism
- From outside needs to being able to satisfy your own needs
What more could you want?
I hope that this article has helped you see how important it is to consider your emotional side.
And if you don’t like your relationship, act on it.
And tell me how it goes.
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